You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
