Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
