Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
