Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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