Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
