I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
