Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
