My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
