Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
as a side note pls kill me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
