it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
