I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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