i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
