Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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