K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
