I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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