I'm jealous of your bromance
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
