ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
