Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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