Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
