my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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