Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
