on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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