Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
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It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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