In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm like, not good at living.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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