if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
