he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
