the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
