Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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