I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
