A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
