6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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