Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
