respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
