your thong is hanging out like whoa
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
