yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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