Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
