remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
