Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
