Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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