Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
