i just had sex bonerless
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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