My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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