I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
