Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
