she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
