ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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