she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
