The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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