my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
