Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just saw a hot homeless man
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
