Plan B is the new Plan A
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
