So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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