we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I intend to get homeless drunk
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
