This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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