i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
