You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
