he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
