I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
