I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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