This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
