im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
