I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
