So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
