if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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