God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
