the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
