Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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