My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
did i just pee glitter
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
