How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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