ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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